


Waluigi's Supermassive Black Hole

by MenagerieOfDarkness



Series: A Wahnce in a Lifetime Romance [1]
Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Anal Sex, Baseball, Baseball Idiots, Bottom Waluigi, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Cock Slut, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Everyone Is Gay, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Forbidden Love, Gay Edward Cullen, Gay Waluigi, Gratuitous Smut, Human/Vampire Relationship, M/M, Mormonism, Muse (Band) References, Penis Size, Penises, Public Sex, Rough Kissing, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Top Edward Cullen, Twilight References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MenagerieOfDarkness/pseuds/MenagerieOfDarkness
Summary: After getting into a secret relationship with the mysterious Edward Cullen, Waluigi finds himself invited to one of the Cullen's favorite pastimes: baseball. Will he be able to impress his love's family, and will their relationship heat up further?Yes, this happening. And yes, in this house we stan Waluigi.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Waluigi
Series: A Wahnce in a Lifetime Romance [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208474
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	Waluigi's Supermassive Black Hole

The misty Washington air sat stagnant over the woods, sky flooded with cool clouds. Waluigi shivered as a gust of wind rushed through the woods and into the spacious glade he and the Cullen’s were standing in. The mustached man still couldn’t believe what was happening. It seemed like it was only minutes ago that he met Edward Cullen in his biology class, seconds since he found Edward breaking into his bedroom to watch him sleep. As strange and malicious as most people would find that, Waluigi was not like other girls; he found himself hopelessly aroused at the thought of the ripped, tight vampire Edward Cullen staring at his submissive, unconscious form. Even in his cleats and faded baseball cap, Waluigi shuddered at the memory.

Although he and Edward had shared a few awkward glances as Edward desperately tried not to nut in his skinny jeans and shared a juicy make-out sesh that left Waluigi in his panties, he never expected to be invited to the Cullen family baseball game. All of them were so sexy and sculpted like marble statues of emo teenagers from the early 2000s. But, as much as he wouldn’t mind getting himself tangled in that family tree, it was Edward who always caught his eye every time.

Edward was currently at the bat, and Waluigi couldn’t help but notice his firm yet gentle grip on the wooden rod. Waluigi felt himself break out into a cold sweat, ducking down to hide his reddened cheeks. He was standing on third base, the same one he wished to reach with Edward one day soon.

Alice made her pitch, the pale, heavily-veined ball soaring through the murky air. Edward’s bat quickly collided with it, sending the ball whizzing off into the distance and Edward racing to first base. Waluigi was captivated by Edward’s stride; he was like an antelope rushing to mate with the nearest cheeks in sight. He could also see the python-like outline on Edward’s tight pants like his bulge was a baking soda volcano ready to erupt at any moment and burst through the thin fabric.

Waluigi was so lost in thought that he barely noticed Jasper chasing after the ball and rushing to catch Edward at third base. No, the purple-clad man could only focus on Edward running past him, his delicate, cold hand groping Waluigi’s mushroom of an ass like he was kneading bread dough. It was only after Edward made it to home base that Waluigi noticed the baseball resting by his feet. Jasper must’ve tried throwing it to him sometime before, during, or after the ass event.

As Edward celebrated his victory like the awkward robot he was, Jasper made his way to Waluigi, grabbing him by his jersey.

“We could’ve gotten him! Why didn’t you catch the ball?” He screamed only like a former Confederate could. Waluigi winced, unsure whether or not the man was about to punch him or passionately kiss him like two sex-deprived athletes. He even pursed his gently moistened lips in case the latter happened. But, he never got the chance to find out as Edward quickly rushed to his defense.

“Jasper! Get your racist ass out of here!” Edward ripped his adopted brother from Waluigi like he was breaking apart a wishbone. Waluigi shuddered as Edward’s iron-like grip tightened around his shoulder, threatening to shatter his clavicle into dust. The mere thought of it almost made his cock smile in appreciation.

“Are you alright, Waluigi?” Edward stared deep into his eyes, concern marring his features.

“Wah.” Waluigi quickly nodded. Although it was the only word he could articulate, it held as much meaning as it needed to. Still, not everyone was willing to find the secret message encoded into each ‘Wah’ that erupted from his throat like a dying rubber duck. That is until he met Edward. The vampire seemed to get him, even from the very beginning.

“That’s good.” He ruffled Waluigi’s mustache. “Then let’s get back to the game!”

Waluigi eagerly nodded, making his way to the bat. Jasper was standing on the mound, glaring him down. Typically there are rules during baseball, but the Cullen’s were trying to play a two-teamed game of baseball with seven people; rules didn’t matter anymore. The Waluigi-like Waluigi gripped the bat. After his years of playing Mario Tennis, he was sure that he was an expert at slamming balls with his meaty, elongated stick.

As expected, Waluigi rammed Jasper’s ball as hard as he could, jettisoning the orb so adeptly that it broke through Earth’s atmosphere and gently rested in the planet’s orbit like Lightning McQueen going around a racetrack. Waluigi saluted the young ball for achieving its dream of going to space before taking off around the diamond. He tried to reciprocate Edward’s previous gesture, honking his cock like a clown horn as he passed second base. 

Soon, the Cullen family decided to stop the game for a brief timeout. The scores were tied, not that anyone knew exactly how to keep score since the players kept switching teams. Waluigi took the opportunity to find Edward, who had sauntered off to a nearby tree to relax. The vampire smiled, exposing his ivory fangs. He rested his iron spork of a body against the thick pine trunk, gelled hair barely rustling in the breeze.

“You did great out there, Waluigi.” Waluigi’s face blushed the color of the large, phallic nose. He couldn’t believe that Edward-senpai had noticed him, much less complimented his athletic prowess. He was so distracted that he barely noticed as Edward stalked around him, gently pressed the purple man against the tree trunk. Waluigi let out a small, confused “Wah?” As Edward’s cold, clammy body moved into his. Specially the lip-zone.

Waluigi moaned inwardly as Edward’s rock-solid lips pressed against his plump little sausages. Somehow, this was even hotter than when Edward stalked him in his sleep, broke into his house every night, and leaving the faint smell of cum perfuming Waluigi’s room. The kiss slowly deepened over time like the deep abyssal void that slowly grows in our hearts every time we remember that Destiel could’ve happened legitimately but didn’t.

Their teeth clacked together like two giant hamsters fighting over a seed ball. And Waluigi was ready to see the seed in Edward’s balls. He ravaged Edward’s mouth with all of the force of a giant worm, destroying a city and leaving no survivors. All the while, his head was being pressed further and deeper into the pine tree, the trunk threatening to rip in half by Edward’s tongue abilities. 

“Waluigi, I want you. Ever since I first watched you get an erection in your sleep that one time, I knew that I wanted to have you.” With that, Edward flexed his meaty thighs, ripping his baseball pants into confetti. Waluigi gasped as he realized Edward wasn’t wearing any underwear. Although he thought the man to be a proud Mormon, what with his pale complexion and archaic views of the world, the vampire was completely bare down there. Waluigi realized that, even without the giant pine tree behind them, there was another massive trunk he had to think about.

“Do you want me, too?”

“Wah!” Waluigi nodded eagerly, slowly and methodically peeling off his uniform. But, as is proper and customary, the gloves stayed on. If anything, they made Waluigi feel even more naked, like the bad boy he truly was.

“Alright then. Lets-a go!” Edward shouted to the heavens as he prepared his cock to excavate the ancient ruins that were Waluigi’s cheeks. But, as if someone upstairs was listening, the sky opened up, clouds seemingly making way for the ray of sunlight beaming down on the two. For a moment, Waluigi wondered if the sky gods were applauding their upcoming sexcapades, but no. Something wicked was coming this way.

The light continued to brighten, soon growing more grating than Edward’s diamond-encrusted bod. Waluigi squinted as a figure emerged from the light, and, as the ray dissipated, all he could do was kneel there, mouth agape, as he realized who she was: The Mormon God, Stephenie Meyer Herself.

“You stop that right now!” The Almighty Stephenie Meyer yelled from her spot in the woods. Waluigi could almost feel the rage emanating from Her corporeal form. Her features were pinched into a deep scowl.

“What on my earth are you doing, Edward Cullen?”

“About to have sex. What does it look like?” Waluigi couldn’t believe that Edward was showing a god so much sass, but, if anything, it only made his mushroom cock expand further from a white button to a magnificent toadstool. 

“How dare you!” The Eternal Stephanie Meyer raised Her hands in front of Her, and Waluigi winced, thinking that She was about to vaporize them both for crimes against YA fiction. Instead, Her palms began to glow, a hologram appearing over Her hands. It was a generic teenage girl wearing a blouse and khakis. Her brunette hair was gently tousled enough to make her look unlike other girls yet still stylish enough to keep said unkemptness from preventing the girl from being seen as conventionally attractive.

“This is who are you supposed to date! I crafted her perfectly: she’s aloof enough to be relatable, bland enough for girls everywhere to project themselves onto her, impulsive enough to keep the plot moving forward. What else could you want in a relationship?” 

“What does that have to do with love? You just want to sell a Mormon fantasy, not a true depiction of romance!” Her Holy Eternalness, Stephenie Meyer, gasped at Edward’s impertinence.

“But imagine the book sale, the film deals, I bet I can even get Muse to do the soundtrack.” Her Galaxy Brain Energied, Stephenie Meyer seemed to be pleading with Edward, and Waluigi began to wonder how much power She truly had. Maybe love would win in the end, even against a god.

“Wah!” Waluigi flung his nude, noodle-like body at Her Ethereal Goodness, Stephenie Meyer, officially entering the fray. The god screamed as Waluigi proved once more why he deserved to be in a Super Smash Bros. game. He uppercut Her so hard, She soared up into the sky, vanishing from whence She came. Soon, the sky darkened again, comforting clouds overtaking the oppressive sun once more. With Stephenie Meyer defeated, Waluigi felt his balloon animal inflate once more with renewed vigor.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Edward glomped Waluigi, slamming his lips against his broad, moist face. Waluigi moaned softly, even his mustache shuddering at the sensation. He allowed himself to melt onto Edward’s broadsword like a pool of water engulfing a giant, neon inflatable toy. He soon felt like a Boston cream donut stuffed with pure, creamy cock. But, it wasn’t how Waluigi thought his first dicking would feel; no, Edward’s iron rod felt just like that: solid and cold like a piece of marble.

“Wah!”

“Oh, I love it when you call me daddy!” Edward started to thrust harder, pulling on both sides of Waluigi’s mustache like he was riding a fleshy motorcycle. Waluigi gasped as Edward tugged on his erogenous zone, the nerves in his mustache follicles firing up and taking the express-lane to his mighty toadstool. He was so close, but he had to hold on. As the ancient proverb said: First is the worst; Second is the best. And, Waluigi knew that he was the best.

“Wah!” Waluigi shuddered as his ass was turned into a churner, Edward’s dick the crank beating his innards into submission. His hole was now the vampire’s piggy bank, empty and ready to be filled with all of his secret treasure. And, like those pottery swine, Waluigi wanted Edward to shatter him, break every bone in his body with the might of his blood-sucking cock. Waluigi would be sure to return the favor too, releasing his wads of pleasure all over Edward’s body, turning his alabaster skin a different shade of white.

“Hold on tight, spider monkey!” Edward screamed as he swiftly ejected his parachuters into Waluigi’s gaping wind tunnel. As the vampire marinated the man’s innards with his BigMac sauce, Waluigi could almost hear Edward release a soft sigh of relief. Stephenie Meyer was gone, and they were free from her unfortunately heterosexual grasp. But, while his weenus was out of commission, Edward let his hands do the talking, throttling Waluigi’s Game Stick like he was trying for a combo. And, with his cold, lifeless fingers, he activated Waluigi’s Konami Code, leveling up his erection to a near superhero degree.

Under the control of Edward milking him like the horny cow was he, Waluigi unleashed the beast with a shrieking “Wah, Wah, Wah!”, spilling his innards all over the forest floor. He relished in the afterglow of his epic orgasm, turning his sweaty face to meet Edward’s equally moist countenance. But, he soon realized that the Cullen’s would probably be wondering where they went, what that strange light in the sky was. Waluigi started to stand up, but Edward stopped him.

“Let’s stay here. Just for a bit longer.” Edward wrapped his arms around Waluigi, pulling him into a tight embrace on the cold ground. And, Waluigi just melting into his touch, letting out a soft, elated,

“Wah.”


End file.
